New fathers can experience depression and anxiety during pregnancy and after a baby arrives. If you feel persistently overwhelmed, irritable, or disconnected, speaking with a mental health professional can help you understand what is happening. I offer online therapy for new dads in Oregon, including support with the emotional and relationship changes that can accompany fatherhood.
Perhaps you are getting through work, changing diapers, and doing your best to support your family. Then someone asks how you are, and you give the familiar answer: “Tired, but good.”
The fuller answer might be harder to say. You feel on edge. You miss your partner. You miss having time to yourself, and then feel guilty for missing it.
You can love your child deeply and find this stage of life difficult. Both experiences deserve room in the conversation.
Why do I feel so different after becoming a dad?
Fatherhood can change your routines, relationships, and sense of who you are. You may be learning how to care for a baby while managing work, financial worries, and expectations about the kind of father you should be.
Perhaps you expected to feel confident once the baby arrived. Instead, you find yourself questioning decisions that seem to come more easily to everyone else. You may feel pressure to be useful and dependable even when you need support yourself.
In a small study of eight fathers with postpartum depression, participants described feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, alongside barriers to asking for help. Their accounts offer a glimpse into the experience of paternal depression, which can differ from one person to another.
A useful place to begin is asking yourself: What has been hardest for me to admit about becoming a father?
Can dads experience postpartum depression or anxiety?
Yes. Fathers can experience depression and anxiety around the transition to parenthood. Postpartum Support International summarizes research suggesting that approximately one in ten dads experiences postpartum depression.
Some fathers feel sad or hopeless. Others notice irritability, emotional flatness, persistent worry, or withdrawal from people they care about. Changes in sleep, concentration, or alcohol use may also deserve attention.
These experiences do not establish a diagnosis on their own. Interrupted sleep, stress, physical health concerns, and several mental health conditions can overlap. An assessment helps make sense of the whole picture.
You also do not need to decide whether “postpartum depression” describes you before reaching out. Feeling unlike yourself is enough to start a conversation.
When is it time to talk to someone?
Consider seeking support when your distress keeps returning, feels difficult to manage, or affects your relationships, work, or everyday life.
You might notice that you are avoiding time with other people, struggling to enjoy things, or arguing more often with your partner. Perhaps you feel increasingly hopeless about whether this stage will get easier.
Persistent low mood or loss of interest lasting about two weeks warrants assessment, and severe or rapidly worsening symptoms deserve prompt attention. You can ask for help sooner; you do not need to wait for a particular threshold.
A psychologist or primary care provider can help assess your concerns and discuss appropriate support.
What would we talk about in therapy?
We would begin with what life feels like for you now: the difficult evenings, the pressure at work, the arguments, the worry, or the feelings you have kept to yourself.
My approach is psychodynamic and attachment-based. Alongside current concerns, we may explore how earlier relationships shape what you expect from yourself and other people.
For example, we might look at what asking for help meant in your family growing up. Did people respond with care, criticism, or silence? How might those experiences affect your ability to tell your partner that you are struggling today?
We might also explore what happens when you feel uncertain or criticized. Do you become defensive, withdraw, or push yourself harder? Understanding those responses can give us something specific to work on together.
Your goals might include communicating more openly, making sense of persistent anxiety, or feeling more present with your family. We would agree on a focus that fits your needs and consider additional support where appropriate.
What can I do before my first appointment?
Try telling one trusted person a little more than “I’m fine.” You could say, “I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed than I’ve let on, and I think I need some support.”
If possible, ask for concrete help: a protected period of rest, someone to bring a meal, or time to attend an appointment. Practical help and professional care can work alongside each other.
You might also write down when you started feeling different and what has changed. A few notes can make it easier to begin when finding the words feels difficult.
How does online therapy for new dads in Oregon work?
I provide individual online therapy for adults located throughout Oregon. Whether you live in Portland, Corvallis, Eugene, or a smaller community, we can meet by video without adding a commute to your appointment.
You will need a reliable connection and a private space where you can speak openly. Finding that space in a home with a baby can take planning; we can discuss practical arrangements during an initial consultation.
My professional interests include men’s mental health, new fatherhood, attachment, and peripartum mental health. I bring that perspective to understanding your experience and what you hope will change.
Can I start therapy while my partner is pregnant?
Yes. You can seek support during pregnancy for anxiety, relationship changes, or worries about becoming a parent. There is no need to wait until after the birth.
Can I come on my own if my partner is also struggling?
Yes. I offer individual therapy, and you can attend independently. We can discuss your experience, your relationship, and what support you need.
Can I use insurance for therapy in Oregon?
I am in-network with Moda Health, Regence/BCBS, Aetna, and Optum/UnitedHealthcare. Coverage and out-of-pocket costs depend on your specific plan. Please confirm your benefits and network eligibility before beginning treatment.
Ready to talk?
If you are looking for therapy for new dads in Oregon, I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. We can discuss what has been happening, ask questions about insurance and availability, and consider whether working together feels like a good fit.
Request your free phone consultation, or learn more about getting started.
You can begin with something as simple as: “Since becoming a dad, I haven’t felt like myself.”
Dr. Alex Rowell is a licensed clinical psychologist providing online therapy for adults across Oregon. His clinical experience spans the United States. Learn more about Dr. Rowell.
If you are in emotional crisis or having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988. For immediate danger, call 911.